If you’re like most people, when you get accused of something you immediately become defensive. Our default reaction is to escape. Whereas, if we are not being accused, but just asked, it is much easier for us to simply admit to whatever we’ve done.

Over the years I’ve figured out how best to “confront” my kids when they’ve done something wrong. If I go on the attack by asking, “Why did you do this?” I’ve immediately put them on the defensive, which makes it a lot harder to reach a positive resolution. When I calmly ask, “What happened here?” or “How can we make this right?” I find that I can much more easily reach a productive outcome.

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